disappointment

i practically wasted my entire day. i hate waking up feeling like this. i mean, like when ure really looking forward to something, to a fun day out or something, and you end up wasting it by sleeping, naturally id feel upset.

bahh. im emo.

that overrated, overused word. sheesh, and im finally using it on myself. bleah.

its funny how people tend to exaggerate things. like, im sneezing my brains out = i'm dying. or like, i'm feeling down and out = i'm depressed. if people die and suffer from depression as often as they say they do, the world might just be a happier place. since any negativity rids itself ever so often, and yes, ever so easily.

if so, id really wish for that to come true. then dealing with disappointment would be so much easier, so to speak. if i got depressed over being disappointed, id just waste away and disappear. ah, i dont know. im not making any sense.

sometimes, you'd just expect so much more. and even though i hated what ben said about everyone else, it had that element of truth in it too. and that made it hurt even more. as often as we compare our friends, i hate it when he's right about mine. and id always defend them, even if it means putting ben down. but whats the point really, when im finally convinced that hes right all along. ben even went on saying he'd pay for one or 2 if its a money issue thats stopping them from coming. if i really wanted them there. urgh. why? :(

its frustrating. when you think ure important to someone, you'll subconsciously expect them to be there for you regardlessly. and worse still, when they've promised they would. and when it actually happens, even though they wouldnt have to face you directly to tell you id be there to share your happy and sad moments, they fail you. and it breaks my heart.

its times like these im certain christines the best ive got, and will ever have.

i so feel like calling off tmr's party.

given my character, id usually confront. but now, id rather suffer in seclusion, shut the rest of the world out and seek solace and comfort for my brutally smashed heart.