Adam’s dreaded apple curse

Its been 2and a half years. And already, everyone’s certain we’re gonna get married. Ben threw a sweet little steamboat thing at his place to celebrate along with the rest of the guys. And when jon and dre appeared, they went, “oh happy 10th anniversary mom and dad.” Haha. Sheesh. So I’ve inevitably taken upon the role of mommy glor. I could live with that I guess. I am, afterall, used to being called aunty Gloria by those 4year olds. Darn it.

Ben asked me to invite my friends over to his place too. and i tried thinking of mutual friends we had. Mutual as in, my side of friends that he knew too. And I couldn’t think of any! And when I merely mentioned about how there wasn’t anyone in mind to invite because you don’t know anyone, no one knows you, he snapped. He got so freaking pissed at me. I guess I just don’t seem to see the tiny steps of effort he takes in getting to know my friends. No, I’m honestly not being sarcastic. I mean, 2and a half years. You SHOULD by now get along with at least a bunch of my friends. You’d obviously beg to differ. You’ll say that I’m close to your friends only because I knew them before I knew you. But still! It aint no excuse. Urgh.

So one thing led to another. He just wanted to keep quiet and let it blow off. I wanted to settle it for good. I guess intense lashing at him wasn’t the perfect way to go about it, but I did anyway. And it killed me when he said those very words. – “since you love complaining to James about us, why don’t you ask him about what I tell him about! You think I’m taking your leaving to Australia very well…?”

And then he broke down and cried.

No, he didn’t just cry cry. He sobbed. And my heart cringed. It ached, so bad. I thought he was ok about it. Apparently not. and there was no way he wanted to let me know how horrid he was feeling because he didn’t want to place me in a predicament between him and Australia. When Kevin mentioned about heart wrenching pain, I presume I understood. Not till just now did I truly grasped the meaning of those words. Ben never cries. He cries for matches that he pushed the team too hard for yet failed to win. He cries when a brother is in deep shit. Cries when he feels helpless when he cant get that brother out of it. But not for things like these. It kills me, it really does.

So now I’m back to square one. I’m clueless about where I should go, what I should do. I know I’ve got to settle my life before I can allow someone else to join me. It’s a selfish yet realistic thought. Someone once told me I may be hanging too tightly onto a crumbling relationship. I don’t think so. Despite the time to time foolishness we may indulge in, it still comes down to the fact that we’re only human. And our human nature fails us more often than we want to. and because of that, thanks to adam, we’re hardly perfect.