a sunny side up on a good friday

could there be one? wasnt good fridays meant for weeping and guiltful i-should-have-been-better because you died for me?


like most good fridays in the recent years, i failed to go to church yet again. last year, my excuse was a lot better than being hungover. last year, i was diving in redang rejoicing in the comfort of my newly formed friendships. this year, i was rudely awoken by the fact that i couldnt quite remember the remnants of last night. i could easily have been raped and ran over by a truck over a piping hot grill, all at the same time and not have realised it because i was that comatosed. or at least to loo, i was.


she said i smelt like trash and cheap alcohol. she my as well have said i smelt of smokes and cheap men perfume. urgh. gloria, you need to work it. the day was barely starting for me and already, i was bogged down with a load of unnecessary drama. welcome to a minute of my life and i will promise to do a trailer ad for you just so that you'd be convinced to take over. then again, knowing the person that i am, i'd sit on it and not touch it and let it die a tragic natural lonesome death like what my cv is going through right now.


i'm done. i'm tired of the way i've been living my life. and its sickening to know that its a viscious routine i'm so deeply trapped in. i try as i might, its a cruel quicksand that keeps pulling me in deeper. and you know what they say about it; its not the quicksand that kills you but the struggling to get out of it. nice tagline gloria, well done.


so i woke up, and made my duly rounds of information collecting to piece back fragments of my memory and to toss out the imaginary ones that tried to pass off as reality. nice try. its a metal self defence mechanism i swear, to not remember things that shouldnt be remembered.


i was trying to get through the afternoon without having too much damage done. at least the parents werent flipping out about missing church this morning. on a good friday. how good can my friday be, really. i didnt even get to check whether it poured at noon. something i'd always do every good friday because i believe it still does at noon on a good friday. and then a call comes in, and breaks the tragic news about me being banned from safra. ooh, ouch. harsh. brutal. or so one may think. all i remember was a shrug and a half thinking. too bad then. i really couldnt be bothered. it brought me back to just a couple of days ago when the fumes steamed relentlessly whilst being locked in by the barricade because they chained up the exit and wouldnt budge till i made an appearance at the security deck. and there i was, in the car, fueled up with a vengeance, calling up the people i knew to run a background check on the idiot who trifled with the wrong girl. now here i am, 3 days later. not the least concerned about what was happening.


i'd blame the nonchalance on the tequila i had the night before.


so.


like my dramatic afternoon needed more grief, i happened to chance upon some very upsetting news. i kept hearing sex and the city on channel 8 news which made absolutely no sense to me. till i had to turn my giant head and with my squinty eyes, and attempt to make out what they were saying. oh, right. wax in the city......gloria, youre on a sex and the city OD baby. urgh. wait. what about the wax in the city were they saying? oh, their unit got reposssessed. oh, theyve closed because they went bankrupt. oh, and the angry mob of people are demanding their money back. oh, and theyve reported to CASE because..oh..and..oh..wait. wait a minute. omffffgoodness. wait. WAIT! MY WAX IN THE CITY? the one i spent over a 1000bucks and 12 months paying off for?!?!?! WHAT?! and i havent even used anything yet! this is such bullshit! wow! i thought only these things happened in sappy channel 8 shows, not the news!! argh! wth! what am i supposed to do now!


how frustrating. and i hate government people and these men in authority. or anyone in authority for that matter. i hate dealing with issues like these and i knew for a fact that i will be sitting on it for the next 2034 years before id even try to get my money back.


then there was dinner. which felt a little strange and that i was verbal slamming everything that annoyed me. im only into the 4th waking hour of my already very tragic good friday and it wasnt getting any better. the man pulled me aside and had to talk over this safra thing. and i was angry. very angry. and he knew i was angry. and bitter. and that i'm cringing inside. not because it affected me. or my very life. or my social circle. or the people around me that still cared. but because it was eating me away and morphing me into someone im not. im turning into a bitter monster. a very very bitter one. and there and then, outside macdonalds, he brutally stripped me down and i hated how he was doing it. he is so good at making me feel raw and vulnerable. no one does that to gloria. no one. and i stood there was tears welling up my squinty eyes. it was awful. it was unbearable. but the saddest part of it all, it was true. i've lost my sparkle. i've lost that gloria touch. i've lost myself to alot of things and i need to get it back.


sitting there talking to singhui earlier on made me realise so much. ooh, listen to that heart break for failing to mention her. didnt hear that? sorry, you need a pair of sennheisers. haha. bad joke. fine. just because the world could use a little less crying so i shall say it, loo was there too. and it was good. good girl talk. i needed it. i needed a slosh of girliness in my façade of manly gungho-ness. this is where i needed my christine. my anchor. my accountability. my raincheck. i'm losing myself. i need to find her back. and i need to do it fast before i lose sight of her completely. and loosely quoting the loo, i need to find that sunny side up again.


now back another round of sex and the city. its 6am. God my joints hurt.. hold me, somebody :(