a bucketful of finally-s

i wanted this week to be better. i decided that it should. i needed to break away from the truckload of unnecessary grief i had to deal with the week before, so this week has to be better. what goes down will come up eh?

i figured i needed to set alot of things straight. so i got to work. i finished up a total of 4 resumés this week. unbelievable. i should start charging. mine included of course. like finally its completed, sealed with a smile on my face and i know its finally good to go. i finally went for bike lessons after playing dodgeball for a year and finally had good instructors who were patient enough. i finally cleaned up the house and junked out bits of the kitchen. finally met up with my birdparkers. theres so much more i can do, thank God the week hasnt ended yet.

but funny how things creep back at you somehow. its like sweeping it all under the giant gloria rug and the bulge is too big to go unnoticed. just earlier on, argueing about something so trivial brought me back to ground zero. its as if nothings changed. i could have refrained from being brutal. i could have done so easily. but it was one of those moments where you get roadbullied and you dont have a horn in your car to blast. i felt that way. least to say i wasnt nice. but all i did was to horn. i didnt flash the finger. you know im capable of alot worse. and then it unravels the wardrobe full of unrequited problems that were part of my rug bulge. sigh. why. i dont want to grow to a point where it doesnt bug me anymore because it still does. but i know it wont, if it keeps up like this.

God, rain down your miracles like you used to. burn a bush again. i need something drastic to take place. i need that supernatural change.

sigh. even dictionary.com isnt cooperating. my word for the day says MOIL. to labour, to toil, to drudge. sentence: why should he toil and moil, and be at so much trouble to pick himself up and out the mud, when, in a little while hence, the strong arm of his uncle will raise and support him. thanks dictionary.com. i'm hoping that uncle is an unchanging unwavering unrelenting God and not a worldly distraction like bike lessons or pretty resumés.