today's been a humdrum. maybe tmr i'll be hit by a witwave. just maybe.

one of those brutal can-be-better days. i guess they were situations i got myself into. it would have happened. it was just a matter of time.

the role of film that ive had for the longest time ever was finally developed. they were awfully disappointing. even williams shots didnt suffice. sigh, what a waste of money. its even worse than a kinder surprise. there isnt even chocolate to enjoy for this one :(

i got into an insane showdown with the swimschool yet again. this time, i went directly to the managing director. it was stupid. and he couldnt even look me in the eye. seriously, dont be a chief general and send your poor infantry to fight the war when half the time they dont even know whats going on. it was very unnecessary. and then the wheel clamping and getting into all that mayhem with the security was just low... honestly, i didnt need the drama in my very boring life. i never felt more alone in a battle. as much as i have a knack for talking my way out of everything, i strangely grew weary for this one. i really didnt want to have to deal with it.

myabe justins right. my brain really has been stagnant for way too long. im not as fast wit as i used to be. i could barely mock chubby with nasty 'i told you so's when he finally admitted he didnt want to get married. at least i met up with my birdparkers tonight. i really need a job, and im finally starting to feel it. this wave of sudden domestication of doing the dishes, cooking and cleaning is only temporal, solely to fill the void. somethings gotta happen, somethings gotta happen fast. God, i feel so alone.

christine's away, bens away, eqd's very far away. something went wrong somewhere and i cannot put my finger around it. its an awful sick feeling i have about it and maybe all i need is for something to change really quick. over a drink at the bar with justin 2 nights ago, he shared how he totally lost his soul during that 6month break. maybe its finally starting to wear me down since i no longer seem to have diving to distract me with. maybe, just maybe, it is time. and i'm finally beginning to see it all. timely.

i need a hug. bad. :(