bring it on, 2010!

i'm tired. the exhaustions wearing me down.
the inability to do this is making you frown.
i've been away from it all, away so my heart can rest.
away from the turmoil, the noise and the pests.

it eats into my soul, the emotional clutter.
i need to let it go, to stop all that banter.
its a brand new year, or so it was supposed to be.
but what has changed, really, my hearts still dying to flee.

i'm cooped up in a cage, its invisible bars make me weak.
i'm cutting it loose, i'm digging at that hole to peep.
i need to know what lies before me soon.
this endlessness of what is to come, has become a pseudo leap to the moon.

i need to stop the mother from nagging, if my soul persists.
the thought of losing her to insanity, my being would rather miss.
she’s been begging for me to settle down, with a job and that perfect life to be.
i'm trying to break free, with this desperate dire plea.

i'm loading on the weight, with the congregation around the tummy.
this rude invitation of companionship, i have nothing to do with thee.
ive been working it off, or i'd try to it seems.
my inputs been close to nothing, but the weighing scale always beams.

its a tragic place to be, in my shoes, my life judged by my own policy.
no one will ever understand, my inner most complexities.
its a myriad of webs, of vicious topsy turvies
the average Joe will run, he'll lock me up and toss away the keys.

i know I’m done with this chapter, i need to turn the page.
the fear of losing you once, has soon started to fade.
i've grown cynical and cold, you can barely blame me so.
it was one of those things that would have happened, I’m sure you'd already know.

then there's church I’ve fallen out of.as to which, I’m still trying to find
my placement and my footing, the ministries i can serve or give back in kind.
this year has to be different, its a year of supernatural change
its the crossroad where you'd floor the accelerator, so naturally it will hardly feel strange

i want to get back into the worship ministry, i want to sing and strum
but its a classic case of a willing soul, the flesh is being a bum
this truckload of ego-ness, of which i'd hardly recognise
this gungho bitchiness, which has been built from endless time

i need to set aside my emotions, i need to not feel at all
i need to kill the lights for a bit, to step out of this limelight and let it fall
i need to look at things from another perspective, and quit thinking im right
for the hearts that ive broken, has inevitably thrown me into this plight

this strange need to care for others, and for the needy to come to me
its something id never phantom, especially how i'd flee
at the thought of being committed to caring, with all my heart regardlessly
id logically choose not to do it, yet my heart will always run free

ive been plagued with an incessant need to care, to give freely a portion each
of this little heart that has barely anything left to spare, to accommodate to all like Roald Dahl's ‘James and the giant peach’
I’ve been wanting to change, believe me when i say please
but i'm burnt and my hearts aching, its your turn to take me in

i thank God for my breath of fresh air, for the people he's let me meet
my fears and insecurities, i'll humbly place at your feet
this tempting cruel habit of leaping once it hurts
i'd make a difference and will try harder, i'd promise not to be curt.

i'm still learning and i'm still maturing, with each and every day
i'm begging you to give me time, im only human, i'm hardly perfect in every way
but the reality of life has rudely slapped me in the face
i'd pick up to speed and id run along, and will try to keep up the pace

its been 2 months since i said id look for a job to belong
its becoming a hum, a rhythm, my petphrase to every song
id put the pieces together and churn out my CV
id make it happen somehow and promise not to slap you with excuses like i cant think when i need to pee

so thanks for letting me whine, into your breastless chest i shall find
my comfort and my solace, and with all the music over the alcoholic pints
your chopstick legs i will still mock, my needful entertainment
you're the reason why ive been sane thus far, id promise to never distant

the abusive words of encouragements, the flickings of all sort
its funny how we get to each other, funny how we love being dorks
nobody will quite understand us, we know that way too well
this dire need to jack each other, to inflict all physical pain, to make each other swell

its the same for most new friendships, how it'd escalate upon recruitment
the bond and comfort zone was like 3in1 coffee; needless to say, it was instant
i can go on and on endlessly with many beckoning eyes reading this with jealousy
or i could marvel at Gods mercy, for letting this happen, for blessing me so richly yet with such subtlety

theres no need to impress, no need to worry about how you'd feel
because through it all i know you'll understand, you're built like me, my outer layers you're able to peel
you can see thru my weaknesses and the times when im strong willed
you'd break me down and let me crumble, then you'd nag me back up and you'd drive me for the kill

your militant ways are polar opposites to what you truly are
we're so much like each other, it scares the sheep afar
but im dying to be different, and not to be as cynical
i dont want to be as brutal as you, when im at the end of life's battles

then theres you, the creature, the root of all my worries
you drive me insane with your blackened face of furies
but id promise to never stop praying for you..................to grow more armpit hair
or that you'll never lose more weight than me, so i can be the curvy gourd and you can be the chubby pear

I know youre dying to bathe me with liang cha or to burn my fragile hair if you could
And you know you’re able to, if you catch me in a good mood
I’m sorry for disappointing and for leaving you to pout
You know its only because I needed my space, to let my steam spout

Its funny how you tried to make me into your little sommelier
How you’d drown me with your knowledge, impress me with the nose, but you’d usually lose me halfway
I’d never forget how you dragged me into that bridgeland full of murderers and trees
And for all the times we had our secret picnics in my room over a stolen bottle of wine and cheese

you didn’t blame me for bailing on you, again and again leaving you alone and your heart cold
youre the sweetest robear I’d ever know, the furriest one too, you’ve gotta keep the hair under control
but you know I’d hate you the day you pack up and leave
im packing myself into your suitcase, you’d better leave me holes to breathe

but most of all, most important of all, the person who keeps me in check
I can spend forever blaming the ship for ruthlessly stealing you back
Now that we’re separated with a million more miles apart,
There’s no one quite like you, who will ever replace that bit in my heart

We’re all designed for companionship, it’s an unnecessary debate
I know that way to well, accept it, it is our fate
I need to hold dear the people who would even bother
With my unpredictable wavering nature, to hold me down like an anchor

I guess all I needed was to rant and to ramble
The past two months of thoughtlessness was starting to make me fumble
Its really time my head glues itself back to where it belongs
To start writing the next verse, of this dramatic life’s greatest song…