NLB - Never Look Back

there are a million and one things going through my head right this instant. half of them, gone with the wind while meddling with the stupid ekiosk that NLB has conveniently burdened my life with. first things first. I'M IN THE HEART OF TOWN AT 1PM! how rare! i love being out in the city on a weekday, breathing in air latent with exhaust fumes. its exhilarating. liberating. i've even forsaken lunch just to be out here right now.

i've spent all morning attending a course on power writing. trust me, the poor blokes there are suffering. shes a great speaker, i know she is. but her audience? spare me. this is a classic example of the gen y vs gen x problem we all face everyday. right, mas? haha. honestly! my group took like freaking 20 mins for a single sentence restructure. the china dude practically called for an official board meeting over getting the right answers for that S-I-M-P-L-E exercise. ARGH! i told them within a minute what the answer was. they took it at face value and went,"oh. hmmm..ok.. so now lets discuss." i wouldnt be a surprised if they appointed a secretary for that just to jot down the minutes.."bryan said to move this before that, gloria said to shut the fuck up and break for tea." give me a break. urgh. how i hate dealing with stupid people. i may be bitchy, but i hate wasting my time with things like that. so glad to be out. im even happier for NLB next door. i will kiss the person who founded the first library in the world. provided he isnt half decomposed with maggots crawling out of his nostrils. haha.

im still hating Gwen for ditching me to be alone for this course. the very high 'I' instincts in me is awfully unforgiving today. i CANNOT be alone. i dont even know how i am going to deal with being alone in Laos for half a week long. rizal claims ill be talking to the rocks and mountains. xiaoyi from horticulture advised me on the best plants to express my heartful emotions to. like thanks guys, really. i could really use some ultra sonic suan master 2000 here. thanks.

i told myself at the end of last week that im going to rant about my terribly long and trying week. i didnt. which means i didnt mark an end to it. which also means i've allowed myself to drag this spirit-downing self-pitying on another week further. not good. i can deal with crap shit pretty well, i make putting up a front a skilled art. provided i have an outlet for it. now its all shoved up tight within me. i dont know where id start! but as usual, id get distracted by the things around me and things will get better..one way or another. it always does, somehow... but..BUT. i just need a quickfix soon. like now... now now now! i guess thats how people end up inventing things like caffine or beer. it just drives at you, gives you the supernatural strength to guzzle it down and piss it all out. heheheh..

i cant wait to get to laos. or to KL with jiawen for that matter. i've given him a pre-warning to expect the worst out of me. hahaha. he did exactly the same and we laughed it off. this trip is gonna be wayyyyyyy interesting. and like ive said again and again, it'll be an excellent way to conclude the year. 2008 has been an insane year of selfexploratory. 2009 shall be the action plan. haha.

the workshop lady spoke about never shortchanging yourself, ever. someone recently told me that you'll always get what you want, not what you deserve. i cannot emphasize its truth further. i've always been a drifter, an accepter to things that happen around me. i'll croon," if it happens, it happens.." almost melodically. i'll embrace it if i could, even if i grow absolutely adverse to change. but what gives, ultimately. afterall, the only thing constant in life is change. live it and embrace it aye? thats what its going to be.. thats what i want to be.

for a better tomorrow gloria! hang in there girlie!