i am depressed

i have been telling bapok that i've been in this melodramatic mood, perfect for depression to set in. and it really has been getting to me a fair bit.

i dont really look forward to going out, to hanging out at starbucks or what nots that i used to do. i dont plan to meet anyone all the time. if they dont call, i wouldnt go type thing. i sleep in late because i have absolutely nothing to look forward to each day. its dreadful, and its driving me insane.

i think this whole, "life is in a mess" feel is finally setting in. and i'm finally coming to terms with it. not that im letting it befriend me, in fact, on the contrary, i think it's time to kick that out of my system and really enjoy my holidays before the results are out. till then, i will try my best to party hard...i hope.

darn it, im so trying to convince myself.

rod dragged me to the zoo today. which was awesome. i really needed fresh air. well, freshly manufactured manure more like it. but it was fun. and i actually woke up for it, and was punctual, the first infact, to arrive. which is almost oscar award potential man. it was such a classic moment. haha.

its was more of proving rod wrong that i can wake up for things rather than going to the zoo that pushed me there. i mean, i was just at mandai 3 months ago? haha, i can still remember what enclosure comes next and which was good and which was not. very tour guide-ish. hur.

so, in the midst of my "next week shall be better" aura, i have decided on a couple of things.

1. i shall get my arse up and accomplish things that ive been putting off for too long.

2. i shall finally research on manila and not let the rest dictate where i go, and what i see, or how i'm gonna spend my time there. because ive decided to arm myself with a 20inch parang, a giant can of corrosive acid aerosol in disguise of hairspray and a camera to journal my holiday in manila in absolute solitude.

3. i shant go back to work until the gary issue is resolved. resolved meaning, he either gets fired, or he gets fired.

4. ive been inspired by mom and pop and gracie to demand a higher pay for cartoon camp, which i just emailed. but its stupid negotiating because its a part time job where skills dont really come top priority. i dont know, i sounded damn cocky in the email, but we shall see what happens and where God leads. hah.

5. i shall sleep less

haha. i think that should do for now. it will get my engine started. i dont know, lately, my sexy neighbour hasnt been much help to ease the depression either. he's been too warped over frisbee and his new friends. i dont have company for comfort food anymore. without getting chanted at about how awesome frisbee is. bry, i need a break. and when i tell you i need love, dont redirect me to the happy frisbee people, or start on the whole sarcastic go find your boyfriend thing because it's starting to piss me off. seriously, people around you need to start growing up. all i needed you to tell me was that, dont worry, manila will be fine because id be there. dont force me to tie you to a shipwreck when we go diving and tempt me to leave you there. i just might.

this whole depression mode needs to shake off soon. its been the cause of my countless of disputes of late. of getting pissed beyond measure over the slightest of issues. which usually never bothers. be gone depression! before i start running out of places to hide my dead bodies. hur hur.