Work till you’re 80

That’s the ad I saw at the bus stop today. It went something like “FACE IT, you’ll work till you’re 80.” The truth of it scares me.

Well, u see, lionel and I have been on a streak of pro-activity. We had this hype about how our lives will change if we get down to doing so. So one thing led to another, I signed up for bike lessons, made sure I went for proj meetings and such. And even started reading the newspapers. He had this whole idealistic plan about how I will quit my job and go back to teaching swimming. Something which was way more lucrative and fulfilling than solely selling bread.

I guess he prayed too hard for that to happen. And before I can even take action, I heard news from adam that simply bread sacked all their part timers. Like what the hell. Great, just add on to my hell week. Its week 2 come to think of it. I wonder how long it’ll last.

This whole hell week thing has everything to do with my wallet. Everything seems to tie in with me losing money in some way or another. Maybe ‘work till I’m 80’ might just be the summary of my life. Darn. I mean, if I was doing something I love, like my dad, working till my very last breath would still justify. But I doubt that’s highly the case.

Sigh, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING bad that has happened has to do with money issues. Even the ezlink thing. If I wasn’t so broke, paying for transportation wouldn’t be such a chore till the point where I’d resort to buying a concession pass. Even today, apart from the whole losing my job thing, I flunked my practical and evaluation. Like crap. What a waste of money all over again. Urgh. I so need to get out of this. God, whats happening?

Ben was telling me about the cutest little kitten that his brother brought home a couple of days ago. And that he wanted me over asap to have a look at it. So I said, alright! I’ll come over tmr, and he goes, oh, im doing dinner with oli. Like right. I never really liked her to begin with. I cant even respect her, what more like her. So I was like, uh, ok. And he went, yeah, she wants to have hanabi for dinner. Like freaking 40ish per person jap food. He asked whether I wanted to come along, and I flatly rejected even though he said he’ll pay. I don’t know. I just don’t like it. Its natural to not like it isn’t it. And where did this sudden offer to pay for me appear from? I mean, ben always pays when he can. Especially since it’s just after the 10th. But this time, it was different. It was more of a, “uh, just come along la. Ill pay for you” I don’t know. Something just doesn’t feel very right. I’m certain Kevin knows exactly what I’m talking about.

But of all people to doubt, ben should never be the one at the top of my worry list. He has never failed me. Its just not out of his character to do so. And it isn’t even a whole fantasy fairy tale that im living in. ben commands all the trust in the world, every man can stand to testify.

I don’t even know whether it’s a get back at me thing for spending the entire evening with Kevin either. I used to be wary about the things I tell ben. Now, honesty isn’t an issue at all. He has learnt to accept it one way or another. Its not like ive ever given him a reason to worry. People have been speculating about Kevin and I for the past too many years. If things were to happen, it would have a long time ago.

Ah, I don’t even know what im talking about. Today’s been just awful, I need to ramble. Even finding comfort and solace in a good dinner didn’t suffice. Maybe the day truly needs to be ended with an icy cold beer. Ooh. Malty mama, come to me.