the zhouk4 of life

i hate feeling like that. so mooshed up inside. its like a tinge of happiness, with a spoonful of nostalgia, a speckle of sadness all churned up within this..i dont know. bahh..porridge of life. the zhouk4 (di si shen) of life. hahaha, the joke of life. haha. and yes, some like it in the pot 9 days old.

but what if you dont? what if you you wanna dish some out right now and taste some. it is that anticipation of not knowing what would happen next that's alluring isnt it. argh. i dont even know what im talking about. musing about rather. its the 10th of october. and 10ths of the 10th are dreadful days according to the history of gloria ngoi. some things are better left unsaid.

or maybe not.

a birthday. an anniversary. a hidden memory. oh i want my mommy.

what a day id have to live through. too much to be said, really. but there really isnt anything i could do. i mean, i could perhaps msg and find out how hes been after sUCH a long time. i dont know. i hate the the 10th of 10th. i makes me queasy.

i dont know. bahh. i really dont know.