boyfriend woes

urgh. i cant get to sleep again. after 35hours of being awake yesterday with 6hours of frisbee under yesterdays ridiculously hardworking sun and 5hours of clubbing in between, i should be absolutely exhausted. especially since i woke early for church today. and i only took a 2hour nap in the afternoon. im so wide awake now. bahh, im hoping it isnt because of the conversation i had with ben. boo.

i picked him up from the airport just now. i had to wait 45mins till he got out of the arrival hall. and told me he was out of cash and had to get a bottle for his officer instead of one for me. like what. fine.

on the way home, we were talking about my plans for the next 2 months. its the holidays, and as usual, ive got TONS of stuff planned. he should be used to that by now, shouldnt he? so i rattled on about diving, about camp instructing, about cambodia and church camp and natty's 1 month next sunday. then he got upset. he claims ive got too much going on and that he doesnt like it. doesnt like what?! huh! once again, im not asking him for his permission, i just want his support, and he has to react like that again. last time, he would be dying to dive with me. now, he tells me, what so great about diving? why do you have to do it? like what? what changed, ben, what?!

i so need a boyfriend who, whether or not joins me, at the very least, should understand the things i do and why i do it. he told me to get an office job. and i got really offended. dont you already know how much i hate holding an office job? he says we'd have more time together if i did that. yeah right. i dont remember spending any time with him when i was working at SE. sheesh! what the hell is wrong with him.

i do understand, army guys are naturally insecure, but please! come on! and he's gonna be on a 6month mc from next week on. if that means, me having to go over to watch him eat, sleep and watch tv, i might faint, really. i cant deal with not doing anything for 6months. we used to do SO much together. we used to go for swims, cycle, fish, fishy shop, visit pet farms etc. and with him going for an op in a week, everythings going to change. and no, im not being an unreasonable girlfriend. i do understand, but judging from the way things are now, he's gonna whine even more about me doing what i do. and of course im more than willing to visit him since he'd be stuck at home, crippled, but i cant do that everyday! i might honestly just die. and he doesnt exactly live very near. and him driving would be impossible too. somebody, help, really.

though we werent exactly shouting at each other, we werent perfect either. i told him to go upstairs to rest. and id go home because i was really tired. and we were ok. he passed me some stuff that he got from phuket and said bye and left. and i sat there, really upset. like what. now you cant even kiss me goodnght. or thank me for picking you up. it really isnt about the formality. i just need to know im appreciated. urgh. things had better get better somehow.. :(