love me, love me not

its so queer. i hate new years. the start of it at least. where everyone returns back home, return back to their daily lives. get busy. get on with things that are seemingly more important now. christine just left for san fran today. nope, it didnt end with teary goodbyes. we're just not like that. but somewhere between the i'll miss yous and have a safe trip, that emptiness was starting to creep in. who's place am i gonna crash at randomly for the next 7 months. who do i call now who would be there regardlessly. its so upsetting. it seems like a fraction of a prelude to my probable farewell if my darn school starts doing something about my applications to australia. i dont like the fact that shes so far away. and saying i'd miss her wouldnt do justice to what i feel. i'd perpetually miss her, or i miss her immensely could maybe, just maybe come close.

so christines gone. deal with it i guess. it isnt anything new for someone so close to leave. at least this time's temporal. temporal's good. temporal leaves you with the knowledge that someday, things will get back to what it was. maybe not perfectly, but somewhere, if God wills, close to it.

i'd wish for so much more. i'd hope for time to fly by faster. i'd pray for kevin to stop being nonexistent. it annoys me so much till the extent that you saying that you gave me 10months the last time seem almost too easy an excuse to use. dont tell me youve hermitised yourself leaving me to find out how youve been going out everyother day with jac and co. dont hurt me like that. our friendship's way deeper. ive been telling you to at the very least meet me to get your christmas present. you dont even try. and to think ure the only person i actually got something for. sadly unappreciated. that hyped up anticipation of seeing the look on your face when u rip the wrappers apart has become nothing but a supposed could-have-been stored somewhere at the back of my head. something that will soon be forgotten. i dont know kevin. id give u your time. i'd give you space. take whatever you need. just dont shun me away. i dont want to have to keep telling myself that our friendships deeper. i want to know it and believe in that. oh kevin.

i seem to have an endless list of things to lament about. i so sure im pmsing. hah. right.

i just spoke to yoke. and she got me excited over old photos, ive totally lost the urge to bitch about the ex boyfriend's engagement to the girl he left me for. hah. that sounds so evil. its a longer story than that. but as lance said, who cares. its times like this where i wished i was more brutal.

so SIM just proved how pathetic they are an institution again today. i hate being shoved around. i hate being redirected from one person to another. for a school that's international, so to speak, they should have a department solely dedicated to handling transfer and exchange matters. why offer australian/london/us degrees when you cant even handle proper liason between both schs. urgh. stupid. singapore institute of management. how appropriate. urgh. we shall see where the dude up there leads.